XOJ9

Now Reading: “You’re Perfect…” and Other Lies Parents Tell

Thu, 23 May 2013 20:26:00 GMT

I was lucky enough to be invited to participate in a discussion group Loni Coombs, author of “You’re Perfect…” and Other Lies Parents Tell along with other LA Mom Bloggers. A very diverse and VERY opinionated group was captivated by what she had to say and the conversation clearly showed the different parenting styles and strategy we all have. But universally, we also all want our children to thrive and we want to empower them to make good choices and be good people. (Included in the group: Sarah Auerswald, Yvonne Condes, Catalina Juarez and Jessica Gottlieb)

Coombs, a former prosecutor for the LA District Attorney’s office is beautiful, funny, smart and tough! She has seen ‘good’ parents ignore critical signs with their children, elevate their children on a pedestal and protect rather than prepare their kids and then wonder… as thy watch them come to a shocking place like standing in front of her in a courtroom… how did this happen!?

According to Loni, “the inescapable truth is that we have a lot of young self-absorbed people who have little, if any, sense of purpose…and they hang on to this belief that, regardless of their lack of effort, the things they need will eventually be handed to them and life will turn our just fine.” The key to getting them straightened out is ‘you’ she says. You have to change to help guide them, teach them how to deal with frustration and disappointment, to live in the present, to have delayed gratification, to earn things, to understand right and wrong and endless other essentials to navigate through life. Most important she says is to teach them empathy.

This book has come in my life at the ‘perfect’ time. As the mother of a budding Tween, I am acutely aware that I have gone from raising a good boy to raising a good man and my role in his life has changed. He is not a little boy anymore! Just last week we had a conversation that the best thing I can teach him is about 'integrity.' A new word for him but not a new concept and something my son, thankfully, strives for. Not to say that he cannot be completely self absorbed, plugged in and spoiled at times but I also take pride knowing that he has empathy and is sensitive to people in his life and in our world and seems to be on the right path to being now only a good boy but a man with integrity.

I am so grateful for Loni’s honesty and the reality check all parents should take as their children grow. I always say that anything can happen to anyone and we cannot be blind to that truth…this is the ‘perfect’ wake-up call for any parent. Ironically, when my 11 year old son saw me reading it he rolled his eyes and said, ‘Mom, no one is perfect!’ to which I said ‘that is exactly what the book is about… read the whole title.’ ‘Well, that’s better’ he replied.

California Dreaming: Overnight Camp in Catalina Island

Mon, 20 May 2013 18:03:00 GMT

When my friend pulled out pictures of his new colt last week, I immediately thought of my first summer at sleep away camp. When I was 10 years old, I went for two weeks away to Camp Laurel Ridge in NJ with my then best friend Sue Silver. I remember a lot of laughter, new experiences and to this day clearly remember the morning we woke up to see a baby colt that was born the night before. This wasn’t something I would have ever seen in Livingston, NJ, my hometown!

Several years later, when I had gone from an elementary school kid to a full on teen, I spent the summer at Eisner Camp in Barrington, Mass. with my friend Gabrielle who is to this day one of my best and dearest friends. Our group not only participated in all the activities of the camp but also were responsible for ‘projects’ around the camp including building an outdoor sanctuary and painting mock stained glass windows. The scope of activities went from learning Israeli folk dance, to attending a concert to see the band ‘America’ at the historic Tanglewood in the Berkshires, endless arts and crafts, water sports plus, we found our first ‘boyfriends!’

These experiences were such rich and memorable experiences to me. Now, I am hoping to have my 11 year old son create his own memories. He recently went on his 5^th grade class trip for 2 nights away at camp and he loved it. He came home stated with certainty, ‘now, I really want to go to sleep away camp this summer!’

Overnight camps are such a great time for kids to learn new things about themselves, their environment and to develop greater independence. There are also great lesson in learning to work together and play together as a community.

And then there is the fun, the nature and the friends he will experience! In my exploration of camps that I think would be a great fit for my son, I camp across Catalina Island Camps. My sons room for years was an “under the sea’ theme including full wall mural, collections of sea shells and anything we could find with starfish, turtles, seahorses and fish. This past year, all he wanted for his birthday was a salt-water tank. Although we tried to sway him to a fresh water tank, he built a case for a salt-water tank through his own research and contributed all of his birthday money and savings to help build an awesome tank. I honestly cannot imagine a better fit for him than this camp where kelp forests, snorkeling and kayaking are on the short list. Add in zip lining, archery, tubing and ‘Adventure Trips’ and you have my 11 year old in heaven!

It has been said that overnight camps owe their foundations to Henry David Thoreau and his journey described in his book Walden. Thoreau went to Walden Pond in Concord, Massachusetts, to gain a better sense of self. "I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately," says Thoreau "to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." Today, as parents, we not only look at the opportunity to live more in harmony with nature as a perk but also for our kids to have some time being unplugged and to take a breath from media overload. (Something I not only want for my son but myself!)

To see video about Catalina Island Camps click below:

Disclosure: This post is part of a sponsored campaign for Catalina Island Camps. All thoughts and stories are my own! Photo of colt by Greg Strait/ all other photos Catalina Island Camps

What’s in the name | xoj9

Mon, 20 May 2013 07:00:00 GMT

Many, many years ago I was nicknamed ‘j9.’ My name… spelled Jean-nine… (minus the hyphen) was daunting for so many to spell and my then boyfriend* came up with it. The nickname stuck like gum on a shoe! I kind of liked it… at least it wasn’t some bad attempt of saying or spelling my name so I became a ‘Jeannie’, ‘Denise’ or ‘Jeanette.’ So, when I would hear a shout of ‘j9’ or receive an email ‘hi j9’ I was happy. It felt warm and fuzzy. So, I started to sign almost everything with ‘xoj9’ for the same reason the nickname started. It was easy and loving.

It seemed like a natural to name my new business ‘xoj9.’ Perhaps it needs a little bit of the back story but it usually brings a smile and that is a good thing.

xoj9

*... sadly the boyfriend I refer to that named me 'j9' many moons ago passed away RIP Paul Arthur Herrick you will always hold a special place in my heart and 'j9' continues to live on:)

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Thu, 17 Mar 2011 07:00:00 GMT

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